Good Morning February

An Update:

We are knee deep in second quarter and I am ready to throw myself off a building.

That seems dark, but I really don't know how to express my frustration.

I seriously think I'm going to cry.

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So here's what you missed on Glee:

1) Mid terms. The end. They are not going well, thanks to my annual bout of no-motivation-not-able-to-function.

2) I officially need to go gluten free. Unfortunately, the detox because of how allergic to it I am was giving me migraines so I was even less functional. Then I went back on gluten and I don't feel as good, but I'm not curled on the floor, so I don't know what to do.

3) My room is a mess. And it's my fault. And I haven't been doing my dishes. Or my homework. And I hate myself for it.

4) I decided to tell my room mate a story, one that is very, very personal and it hurt to tell, and now she isn't looking at me the same way. I think she is worried about me and seriously thinks I'm going to off myself. (I AM NOT). I don't tell people things because I do not want their worry or their pity. I just want them to know and understand. I have yet to find a human being that understands that.

5) I hate my classes. Again. Seriously. I have five classes (Post-Production, Logic, Story Genera and Structure, Early Church Fathers, and The Brother's Karamazov). I like one, tolerate 3, and despise another. School is the root of my problems.

6) I feel like I need to take some time and just get myself together, so I feel really good about myself and can function again, but I don't have time. Because it would take about a month of therapy and isolation and I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME. AND THERE ARE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HECK I NEED MY SPACE.
No offense, I love you all, but I need time to collect myself and I can't do that like this.

So I'm just in a bad mood, and it's no one's fault. I wish I could blame it on medication or something, but I can't I just feel genuinely lousy and I can't deal with it. I want to just go. Just run for a while until I feel better and I can't and I need a break and some time and help I just need to leave for a while, ok? I just want to go somewhere I don't feel like everyone is watching me, and be in the free air and just exist and not be part of any of this craziness.

I'm a strange soul, one who the laws of time have forgotten and I feel the loneliness. If there was such a thing as a red string of fate this would be the day I beg for the one who holds the other end of my string to come and find me, because I need my mirror. I need him. I can feel him sometimes, in a strange, unworldly way, and I wonder if he can feel me too, and if he aches for me like I do for him.

I'm sorry. I'll go now. I probably shouldn't blog at 2AM.

Waking Up in SD

Hey Guys!
Honestly, I completely forgot about this. Sorry.

Anyway, I would like to explain yesterday morning. My very patient room mate Mary woke up to fine me having a complete break down over a thousand page classic piece of Russian literature, Grace in her pajamas inside out, and Mia having slept in the closet.
I would like to tell you all that this is abnormal behavior, but that would be a lie. Most mornings are just as crazy, if not actually more so.
Guess what I learned yesterday? If I'm overtired and drink too much caffeine, I give myself migraines. And if you lay on the floor at school under the sinks trying to deal with the symptoms you will freak people out. I scared 8 people in the bathroom alone. It was really awkward.

i'm going to see the Hobbit later, so maybe I'll have more to say then. Or just fangirl all over everything.

Yeah.
The second one.