An Update:
We are knee deep in second quarter and I am ready to throw myself off a building.
That seems dark, but I really don't know how to express my frustration.
I seriously think I'm going to cry.
.
.
.
So here's what you missed on Glee:
1) Mid terms. The end. They are not going well, thanks to my annual bout of no-motivation-not-able-to-function.
2) I officially need to go gluten free. Unfortunately, the detox because of how allergic to it I am was giving me migraines so I was even less functional. Then I went back on gluten and I don't feel as good, but I'm not curled on the floor, so I don't know what to do.
3) My room is a mess. And it's my fault. And I haven't been doing my dishes. Or my homework. And I hate myself for it.
4) I decided to tell my room mate a story, one that is very, very personal and it hurt to tell, and now she isn't looking at me the same way. I think she is worried about me and seriously thinks I'm going to off myself. (I AM NOT). I don't tell people things because I do not want their worry or their pity. I just want them to know and understand. I have yet to find a human being that understands that.
5) I hate my classes. Again. Seriously. I have five classes (Post-Production, Logic, Story Genera and Structure, Early Church Fathers, and The Brother's Karamazov). I like one, tolerate 3, and despise another. School is the root of my problems.
6) I feel like I need to take some time and just get myself together, so I feel really good about myself and can function again, but I don't have time. Because it would take about a month of therapy and isolation and I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME. AND THERE ARE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HECK I NEED MY SPACE.
No offense, I love you all, but I need time to collect myself and I can't do that like this.
So I'm just in a bad mood, and it's no one's fault. I wish I could blame it on medication or something, but I can't I just feel genuinely lousy and I can't deal with it. I want to just go. Just run for a while until I feel better and I can't and I need a break and some time and help I just need to leave for a while, ok? I just want to go somewhere I don't feel like everyone is watching me, and be in the free air and just exist and not be part of any of this craziness.
I'm a strange soul, one who the laws of time have forgotten and I feel the loneliness. If there was such a thing as a red string of fate this would be the day I beg for the one who holds the other end of my string to come and find me, because I need my mirror. I need him. I can feel him sometimes, in a strange, unworldly way, and I wonder if he can feel me too, and if he aches for me like I do for him.
I'm sorry. I'll go now. I probably shouldn't blog at 2AM.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Waking Up in SD
Hey Guys!
Honestly, I completely forgot about this. Sorry.
Anyway, I would like to explain yesterday morning. My very patient room mate Mary woke up to fine me having a complete break down over a thousand page classic piece of Russian literature, Grace in her pajamas inside out, and Mia having slept in the closet.
I would like to tell you all that this is abnormal behavior, but that would be a lie. Most mornings are just as crazy, if not actually more so.
Guess what I learned yesterday? If I'm overtired and drink too much caffeine, I give myself migraines. And if you lay on the floor at school under the sinks trying to deal with the symptoms you will freak people out. I scared 8 people in the bathroom alone. It was really awkward.
i'm going to see the Hobbit later, so maybe I'll have more to say then. Or just fangirl all over everything.
Yeah.
The second one.
Honestly, I completely forgot about this. Sorry.
Anyway, I would like to explain yesterday morning. My very patient room mate Mary woke up to fine me having a complete break down over a thousand page classic piece of Russian literature, Grace in her pajamas inside out, and Mia having slept in the closet.
I would like to tell you all that this is abnormal behavior, but that would be a lie. Most mornings are just as crazy, if not actually more so.
Guess what I learned yesterday? If I'm overtired and drink too much caffeine, I give myself migraines. And if you lay on the floor at school under the sinks trying to deal with the symptoms you will freak people out. I scared 8 people in the bathroom alone. It was really awkward.
i'm going to see the Hobbit later, so maybe I'll have more to say then. Or just fangirl all over everything.
Yeah.
The second one.
Friday, November 23, 2012
So...That happened...
Guess who spaced?
That wound be me. Sorry.
So, things I've learned in the last week(ish), just to get you up to speed.
1) ice cream. It's important and should be kept in the fridge at all times. ALL TIMES PEOPLE. There is nothing more disappointing than coming home and realizing there is no ice cream.
2) our apartment is cursed. It is cold for no reason, and our washer is leaking. Also I am starting to wonder about the freezer as my ice cream is still suspiciously soft when I go to scoop it. (not that i'm complaining)
3) You should ALWAYS check to see if you have the right amounts of things for cooking. 5oz and 120z cans make a HUGE difference when you make pumpkin pie. And using the later instead of the former will result in a pie that is weird in the middle, burned on the crust, and internally panicking until Mary comes to help save your culinary disaster.
4) Sunday, for the first time, Mia mentioned that she was not cold. This is very important as she is from Guam and it is apparently an island of molten lava and sunny CA has proven much to chilly for her.
5) Mary and I should probably not be left to our own devices. Mia and Grace went away for Thanksgiving and left us alone. We discussed re-arranging the apartment so that we had one bedroom, a study, and a living room. And then pretending that nothing had happened until Joe came for room checks. This may sound harmless, but it in fact would have taken a ton of planning and resulted in the current living room housing four girls. And that was just the beginning.
6) I liked the Hulk in Avengers, but no number of re-makes will make me want to watch a movie solely about two giant green dudes punching each other. Also, knowing that the Hulk learned Portuguese to live in Brazil and NOT SPANISH is very important for understanding the plot. (I caught that!)
7) I love Captain America.
8) My spelling has actually gotten worse since I got here. I did not think that possible. If it were not for spell check this would not me legible at all. (Dyslexia. I flip letters. Get over it.)
9) If you ask your friend what kind of guy they see you with, you will fall for a guy who probably does not exist. (again...)
10) Thanksgiving with Stephanie's family is a lot of fun. We chilled and talked about random stuff, I met a killer bunny rabbit, and was introduced to "They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!" on YouTube. Thinking about it just got the silly song stuck in my head again. (Look it up, this is FUNNY.)
I may add to this later, since I haven't told you of the BBB trip, the Drumming, or hiding in Hogwarts robes, but it may take time. Also- I may be MIA for a few days, so please be patient. I ran out of meds and chances are I will be annoyed with everything and thus avoiding people... more than usual...
That wound be me. Sorry.
So, things I've learned in the last week(ish), just to get you up to speed.
1) ice cream. It's important and should be kept in the fridge at all times. ALL TIMES PEOPLE. There is nothing more disappointing than coming home and realizing there is no ice cream.
2) our apartment is cursed. It is cold for no reason, and our washer is leaking. Also I am starting to wonder about the freezer as my ice cream is still suspiciously soft when I go to scoop it. (not that i'm complaining)
3) You should ALWAYS check to see if you have the right amounts of things for cooking. 5oz and 120z cans make a HUGE difference when you make pumpkin pie. And using the later instead of the former will result in a pie that is weird in the middle, burned on the crust, and internally panicking until Mary comes to help save your culinary disaster.
4) Sunday, for the first time, Mia mentioned that she was not cold. This is very important as she is from Guam and it is apparently an island of molten lava and sunny CA has proven much to chilly for her.
5) Mary and I should probably not be left to our own devices. Mia and Grace went away for Thanksgiving and left us alone. We discussed re-arranging the apartment so that we had one bedroom, a study, and a living room. And then pretending that nothing had happened until Joe came for room checks. This may sound harmless, but it in fact would have taken a ton of planning and resulted in the current living room housing four girls. And that was just the beginning.
6) I liked the Hulk in Avengers, but no number of re-makes will make me want to watch a movie solely about two giant green dudes punching each other. Also, knowing that the Hulk learned Portuguese to live in Brazil and NOT SPANISH is very important for understanding the plot. (I caught that!)
7) I love Captain America.
8) My spelling has actually gotten worse since I got here. I did not think that possible. If it were not for spell check this would not me legible at all. (Dyslexia. I flip letters. Get over it.)
9) If you ask your friend what kind of guy they see you with, you will fall for a guy who probably does not exist. (again...)
10) Thanksgiving with Stephanie's family is a lot of fun. We chilled and talked about random stuff, I met a killer bunny rabbit, and was introduced to "They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!" on YouTube. Thinking about it just got the silly song stuck in my head again. (Look it up, this is FUNNY.)
I may add to this later, since I haven't told you of the BBB trip, the Drumming, or hiding in Hogwarts robes, but it may take time. Also- I may be MIA for a few days, so please be patient. I ran out of meds and chances are I will be annoyed with everything and thus avoiding people... more than usual...
Friday, November 9, 2012
Oh BTW
Realized that I did not open this blog at all. OOPS!
So- hullo! My name is Clare, I'm a freshman film student it a very small Catholic college in San Diego, CA. I'm originally from the Chicago area, and Cali is a bit different to say the least.
Anyway, there have been a LOT of really cool and funny things that happen in University, and I want to remember them- because one day I hope to use them in a movie. I'm using this as a sort of journal then, a way to keep track of all the craziness.
Anyway, welcome. Hope you enjoy :)
Here is a gif for you! hehehe they make me laugh ;D
So- hullo! My name is Clare, I'm a freshman film student it a very small Catholic college in San Diego, CA. I'm originally from the Chicago area, and Cali is a bit different to say the least.
Anyway, there have been a LOT of really cool and funny things that happen in University, and I want to remember them- because one day I hope to use them in a movie. I'm using this as a sort of journal then, a way to keep track of all the craziness.
Anyway, welcome. Hope you enjoy :)
Here is a gif for you! hehehe they make me laugh ;D
Friday Night
Tonight is girls night on the Unsinkable Ship. Our apartment, that is. We named it because we have a bit of a shipping habit (fictionxfiction, fictionxreal, realxreal, realxcelebrity...), and they started to go badly, so we decided not to ship each other anymore. Although, as the unattached person in the apartment I don't mind being shipped until it gets ridiculous- especially if I'm being shipped with a certain Benedict Cumberbatch.
We just had to explain to our common room what the Unsinkable Ship was, and then what shipping itself was. AKWARD TURTLE (*proceeds to do awkward turtle upside down*). Then we came back after one of my room mates got asked on a non-date date and as we talked about it in the living room my suite mate, Mia, came out saying "WHAT?!? WHAT?!?!?"... with a toothpaste mustache.
All this after swing dancing/waltz/tango/river dance, and leading into a cheesy movie and EPIC ICE CREAM.
Also, my room mate, who is usually the epitome of classiness is pretending to be a hipster- and is really good at it! I will be taking pictures later. There have been many "I only .... to... " and "I... before it was cool" jokes, and they have actually been really funny. I approve of fake hipster Mary.
We just had to explain to our common room what the Unsinkable Ship was, and then what shipping itself was. AKWARD TURTLE (*proceeds to do awkward turtle upside down*). Then we came back after one of my room mates got asked on a non-date date and as we talked about it in the living room my suite mate, Mia, came out saying "WHAT?!? WHAT?!?!?"... with a toothpaste mustache.
All this after swing dancing/waltz/tango/river dance, and leading into a cheesy movie and EPIC ICE CREAM.
Also, my room mate, who is usually the epitome of classiness is pretending to be a hipster- and is really good at it! I will be taking pictures later. There have been many "I only .... to... " and "I... before it was cool" jokes, and they have actually been really funny. I approve of fake hipster Mary.
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